Why do we need boundaries? Because they help:
1. Define Your Identity – you become clear and confident with yourself, and others know what to expect from you.
2. Protect Yourself from Violators – boundaries let in what is good and keep out what is bad, so you remain safe and able to express your true self.
3. Bring Order – without them, you are unable to regulate demands, ideas, dreams, responsibilities, opportunities, pleasures and activities. Life can become chaotic.
4. Promote You – leaders and employers with good boundaries know that if you have good boundaries, you can be trusted to state clearly what you can and cannot do, welcome input and work passionately without burnout.
5. Protect You from the Control of Others – having clear boundaries makes it difficult for others to control you, and makes it easier for you to say no when you need to. Preserve Your Purpose and Mission – once these are identified, boundaries save you for the relationships and opportunities that best fit who you are.
6. Protect Your Finest Personal Assets – which includes knowledge, body, skills, abilities, purpose and mission
Without personal boundaries, “You will act, sleep, work, groan, feel used and fulfill basic responsibilities rather than make choices to live and love fully, to work hard and nobly, to fulfill your purpose and to contribute passionately to your world.” (Black, J. and Enns, G, Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life. Oakland, CA. Raincoat Books)
3 tips to help you stand by your Boundaries
1. Make promises to yourself (and make sure you keep them)
Examples:
- “When I reach a certain point of exhaustion/stress, I will stop, identify the problem and/or get the rest and help I need.”
- “When I feel rejected, I will feel the discomfort, sort though my part, if any, accept current circumstances, learn and move on.”
- Build your 911 Team
- Confidante: Someone who will let you vent at anytime, tell them anything and they will keep it confidential?
- Mentor: Someone you admire and trust to encourage, teach and guide you.
- Team: friends and family who will be there for you and help you when you need.
- Be aware of your Personal Power Sources
- Physical: Sleep, exercise, nutrition, reading, music etc.
- Spiritual: meditation, affirmations, prayer, yoga etc.
- Emotional: getting feelings out in a way that is safe for you and others.
- Mental: thinking about something else for a while, giving your mind a break. Go to a movie in the theater
4. Create Affirmations
Recite them when you feel a boundary being pushed
5. Protect your Energy field
Imagine a shield around you. A force field to protect you from people with negative energy. The Oola guys call it suiting up – picture putting on a hazmat suit to be around people you need to protect your energy from. I like to visualize the scene from Avengers when Wakanda is being attacked.
Boundaries Action Plan
Download this worksheet to start working on setting some solid boundaries.
Are you feeling overwhelmed by life’s demands and never having enough time for yourself? It’s time to put yourself first! Learn tips to set healthy boundaries and manage your time better with our amazing video. We’ll give you book recommendations, inspiring quotes and personal stories so you can start setting the boundaries you need for a healthier, happier life. Tune in now for expert advice and practical tips on how to put yourself first!